A Letter to Nathan on your 1st Birthday

To my sweet Nathan,
 Happy 1st Birthday!  It is hard to believe you are already turning one year old!  The time has gone by so incredibly fast, but I am so thankful that I am able to stay at home with you each day and experience all your changes, noises, smiles, laughter, and fun.  As I reflect back on last year and where we were, I remember being completely terrified as your dad and I got in the car to head to the hospital.  I didn't know what to expect and all I kept thinking about was meeting you and that I wish that moment could already be happening.  We waited and prayed for a long time that God would bless us with a child, so to have it be so close to a reality was so exciting, yet scary.  I just wanted you to be healthy and for everything to go smoothly and to be able to hold you and tell you how much I loved you.  Well, the Lord's grace was evident that entire night as we waited for you, as there were a few complications; however, bright and early the next morning on December 31, we met you, our precious boy, for the first time.  You were perfect in every way!  Everyone kept saying how cute you were and how all your features were so perfect.  It was the best gift we had ever received!

It is a complete joy to be your mother!  From the time you were just a few weeks old and smiled for the first time, you have brightened our lives in every way.  Everywhere you go, you bring a smile to people's faces.  I have loved watching you experience all your "firsts."  From laughing, rolling over, noticing Lacy,smiling, touching grass, sitting up, swimming in a pool, going to the beach, watching you try and crawl for about a month, then learn to scoot on your belly and rock on your hands and knees and then finally take off crawling, watching you kneel on your knees and look out the big window in the living room and bang on the window saying, "Hey" to everyone, to playing games with you, like "Where's mommy? while you go from room to room in the house looking for me or hiding behind the chair in the living room and you coming to find me, to enjoying walks around the neighborhood and hearing you test out your voice with little coos and "heys," to many day trips to Memphis and Jonesboro and enjoying shopping afternoons with you where you say "Hey" to every person you see and smile at every person who stops and talks to you, days at home playing with your kick and play piano gym, your motorcycle, your musical table, your little balls and other toys, seeing you explore all the new wonders of the house, including the floor, the carpet, the kitchen cabinets, the pots and pans, the Tupperware containers, drawers with clothes inside, the washer and dryer, books on the shelves, playing with Lacy and her paws and fur, looking over the edge of your crib, watching you eat cereal and all kinds of new foods, hearing you say, "Hey, Day" to Lacy when you see her, having you rest your head on my shoulder for a couple minutes every time I come and get you from a nap, watching you lock eyes with me for the first time and really looking at me, watching you clap your hands at random moments and when you are excited you did something, watching you watch Daddy and Lacy playing outside (you will be able to join them soon enough), stopping play to come and give me a hug, reading books from your basket and having you pick out books for mommy and daddy to read to you (your favorites are Hop on Pop, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, The Little Engine that Could, Click Clack Moo: Cows that Type, and a few others), listening to you belly laugh at coughs, sneezes, and other random things, singing to you when you are upset and having you calm down right away, reaching for me with your arms outstretched, crawling down the hall as fast as you can to come to me when I call, you bring excitement and wonder to each day.  I have cherished all these times and the many others I have captured in pictures and videos.  I would not trade these days at home with you for anything.  You have brought a childlike joy to my life that makes every day special.

You, my sweet boy, are a blessing from the Lord in every way!  It is hard to imagine what life was like before you came.  Many nights when you are sleeping, I go into your room and just watch you sleep, so incredibly thankful for the gift I have in you and the opportunity I have to be your mom.   My prayer for you is that you will one day love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, that you would understand the power of the Gospel, and that God's Word would lead, guide, and direct your steps as you journey through life.  As the Psalmist says in Psalm 139:14-16, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."  Your life, Nathan, is a miracle and an answer to many, many prayers.  You are a blessing.  I love you to the moon and back.

Love forever,

Mommy

God's Good Gifts-Part 6

In the words of the Getty's...
My heart is filled with thankfulness to Him who bore my pain,
who plumbed the depths of my disgrace and gave me life again,
who crushed my curse of sinfulness and clothed me with His light,
and wrote His law of righteousness with power upon my heart.

My heart is filled with thankfulness to Him who walks beside,
who floods my weaknesses with strength and causes fears to fly,
whose every promise is enough for every step I take,
sustaining me with arms of love, and crowning me with grace.

My heart is filled with thankfulness to Him who reigns above,
whose wisdom is my perfect peace, whose every thought is love. 
For every day I have on earth is given by the King,
so I will give my life my all to love and follow Him.


212. Safety in travel for my family as they traveled to and from our home for Christmas.
213.  Times of laughter and making memories with family.
214. Generous friends and family who showered Nathan with an abundance of fun toys for Christmas and his birthday.
215. Unexpected gifts of money from our church family.
216. The Lord's grace in always providing the money we need, even if it comes in unexpected ways.
217. An afternoon of shopping and catching up with almost all my siblings-something that does not happen very often anymore.
218. A new tradition started on Christmas Eve-Nathan opening his first Christmas Eve box-a book, movie, and new pajamas:)

219. Celebrating the birth of our Savior on Christmas morning by adding baby Jesus to our advent calendar and reading Luke 2 as a family.
220.  A delicious, Christmas morning breakfast-ham and hash brown casserole, Christmas morning coffee cake (birthday cake for Jesus), fruit salad, juice, and coffee. 

221.  Having my family here to celebrate Nathan's 1st Christmas!

222.  Relaxing days at home just enjoying time with family.
223.  Fun family outings to see Christmas lights.
224. Family members who graciously helped prepare food, decorations, cupcakes, and cake for Nathan's birthday celebration.
225. A fun day celebrating the gift of Nathan with family and friends-We only wish our other family members could have been here too.

226.  Watching Nathan smile and clap after he opened each gift at his birthday party.

227. A birthday lunch at Chickfila to celebrate on Nathan's actual birthday.
228. A mother who helps plan and prepare meals for all of us to enjoy.
229. A marathon night of watching the last few episodes of Downton Abbey with my family as we prepare for season 3 to start this coming Sunday evening.
230.  A lovely, candlelight Christmas Eve service.
231.  New goals, visions, and beginnings as the new year starts.
232.  Time to reflect on the blessings the Lord has given us this past year.
233. A lovely snowfall to wake up to the day after Christmas.
234.  Time to read and spend time in God's Word.
235. Reminders to remain persistent and steadfast in the faith, to pray and not lose heart this coming year from Michael's sermon from Luke 18.
236. Hearing Nathan "count" after he hears me counting the buttons on his clothes.  He repeated 2 and 3 after he heard me say them:)
237. Watching Nathan play with and enjoy all his new toys, especially learning how to push his motorcycle around the house:)
238.  A brief visit from family we haven't seen in a long time.
239.  Skype dates with far away grandparents and family that we were not able to see this Christmas.  Thankful for modern technology.
240.  Continual reminders of the Lord's grace in my life.

Books to Read in 2013

One of my goals for 2013 is to spend more time reading with the purpose of learning about the lives of different people, being challenged in my faith, learning practical ways to be a better wife, mother, and homemaker, and grow in hospitality and reaching out to others.  I thought if I actually posted the list, it might provide better motivation to stay on track and be reminded of the ones I want to focus on for the coming year.

Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship, and Life Together

by Mark and Grace Driscoll

 

 Give them Grace by Elise Fitzpatrick

Killing Lincoln by Bill O’Reilly

Killing Kennedy by Bill O’Reilly

Because He Loves Me by Elise Fitzpatrick

Don’t Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman

Practicing Hospitality by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock

Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic

The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler

Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney-I have read this one before but would like to reread it as I think it will be helpful in the current season of life.

Biblical Womanhood in the Home by Nancy Leigh DeMoss-This one has been sitting on the shelf for awhile and is written by several women who offer great insights to the role God calls us to as women of God.

Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper-I  have read parts of this book but would really like to sit and read the entire book, especially in looking towards the future with Nathan. 
 

Fit to Burst by Rachel Jankovic-a new book coming out at the end of January.  Her writing is fun, easy to read, and practical. Looking forward to getting this when it comes out. 
 

To the Golden Shore by Courtney Anderson-a biography about the life of the first Baptist missionary from the United States, Adoniram Judson.  My husband has been trying to get me to read this for a long time, so I think this is the year to do it.  He says it is one of his favorite books. 

Celebrating 12 months of Nathan!

On December 31, 2011, the Lord blessed us with the greatest gift, our son, Nathan.  

Psalm 139:14-15-"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  The following is a picture story of the first 12 months of Nathan's life.

Praise the Lord for the blessing of Nathan!

A New Treat: Candied Pecans

I am not a "nut" lover.  In fact, most of the time I avoid anything with nuts on it or I pick off the nuts.  Some nuts, like peanuts and almonds, I do enjoy, but for the most part, nuts are not a favorite food.  So, when  nice couple at our church gave me a huge bag of pecans, I had no idea what I was going to do with them.  So, I started looking for recipes that used them and I came across a recipe from a couple years ago that a lady had given us at our former church.  She had given us a small bag of candied pecans, but I could not remember what they tasted like or whether or not I liked them.  The recipe looked simple, so I decided I would give them a try.  Well, not only were they very tasty, but I decided to make another batch because I liked them so much.  And, what's even better is that my husband liked them too!  So, with much thanks to Coco Briggs, I would like to share a new, easy, delicious recipe: Candied Pecans.

Candied Pecans Recipe:

2 egg whites

1 tablespoon combination of water and/or vanilla, to taste

1 pound pecan halves (or almonds or walnuts)

1 cup granulated sugar

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2-1 teaspoon cinnamon, to taste*

1. Grease a large baking sheet.  Set oven to 250 degrees F.

2. Whip egg whites and 1 tablespoon of water/vanilla combination until frothy.

3. In a separate bowl, mix sugar, salt, and cinnamon.

4. Add pecans to egg mixture, stirring to coat well.

5. Stir pecans into sugar mixture and toss to coat pecans. (This is most easily done by shaking the sugar and nuts in a gallon ziplock bag).

6. Spread in a single layer on baking sheet and bake 1 hour at 250 degrees F, stirring every 15 minutes.  After baking, stir and let cool before storing in an airtight container.

These are so yummy by themselves or they could be added to salads.

On the top of the recipe card, she says, "No one can eat just one" and I agree that it is quite true!

The Journey to Motherhood

In just a little over a week, my sweet Nathan turns 1 year old.  It is hard to believe that we have already had the blessing of sharing a year with this little guy.  As I reflect over the past year, I am reminded of what a tremendous gift he is, especially in the midst of the Christmas season, where we celebrate the ultimate gift in our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I recently came across some words I had written in the fall of 2010 about lessons the Lord taught me as we waited for the gift of Nathan.  I thought I would share these words as I anticipate the celebration of Nathan's first birthday.

From the time I was a little girl I had expectations of where I would be and what I would be doing at this point in my life.  I dreamed of being married, being a teacher, having children, and being a stay at home mom.  I moved to Louisville thinking that I would only teach for a few years and then I would start having children.  I figured Michael would finish up seminary in about three years and then we would be headed off to serve in a church.  All these plans were my plans, my dreams, my hopes, my expectations.  The Lord's plans were not the same, however, and within the past three years has led me on a different journey than I had ever imagined.

For the past three years, we have been trying to have a baby.  During this time, my heart grew discontent as I watched numerous friends have children.  Yet, we were still in the same place, with no baby.  I began struggling with envy towards those who were able to have a baby with seemingly no trouble.  I began questioning why didn't I get to be a mom?  When was I going to have a chance to raise a family?  Why did we have to struggle and wait so long for a gift we so longed for?  All these questions led to discontentment and it became a battle to work through these thoughts and feelings.

After two years of trying to get pregnant, we were finally able to conceive.  Within a few weeks of finding out we were pregnant, I found out I had an ectopic/tubal pregnancy and that a procedure was going to have to be done immediately so as to not put my life at risk.  I struggled to understand why as we had waited this long and now the Lord had chosen to take this little one.  During this time, I clung to the words in James 1:2-3, which say, "Consider it all joy, brethren, whenever you face trials of various kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance."  I was able to find joy in the midst of struggle because of the faithful prayers of many and because of the comforting words found in Scripture.  I remember thinking back to the words of Tom Schreiner as he preached through James.  He said, "God uses trials to refine us, strengthen us, make our prayers more fervent, to reduce our pride and produce more humility, to reduce our self-sufficiency and increase our trust and reliance on Him."  He preached these words the day before we found out the baby was not going to live.  The life of my little one was in the Lord's hands and I began to realize more fully that the Lord is the one who gives life and that I was going to have to continue trusting and relying on His grace even when it was hard to understand and the tears were many. 

A few months later, the struggle seemed to grow again, so I decided to seek counsel from our pastor and his wife.  As I met and talked with them about my struggles and sin, I was reminded of several things.  First, I need to remember that my joy, happiness, and contentment are not found in the circumstances I find myself; rather, my contentment comes through my relationship with Christ and through the sacrifice he made for me on the cross.  I was encouraged during this time to be more open with my struggles with other people so they would know how to pray for me more specifically.  I was also encouraged to be a more active participant in the lives of women who were pregnant-to ask them questions, find out how things were going, and ask them how I could pray for them as they prepared to become mothers.  I realized that it is okay to be upset, but that there must also be a balance of finding joy for other people as they find out they are pregnant.  

Well, a few months later, the Lord took us on the most difficult part of the journey yet.  We found out we were expecting again.  I took several tests to make sure and then scheduled an appointment with the doctor.  We involved several people in the process as we we wanted them to be aware of how they could pray for us during these early days of waiting.  The initial blood work returned positive but we still remained uncertain at how things were progressing.  However, within a couple weeks, the mountain top of excitement and joy became a valley of despair as I miscarried twin babies.  I have never felt such a loss before and I have to confess that it is the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with.  As Jerry Bridges says in his book, Trusting God, "just as we learn to obey God one choice at a time, we must also learn to trust God one circumstance at a time.  Trusting God is not a matter of my feelings, but of my will.  We honor God by choosing to trust Him when we don't understand what He is doing or why He has allowed some adverse circumstance to occur."  To see my babies' heartbeats, to see the life the Lord created and to anticipate so greatly the life He had planned for them was an incredible experience, but in His sovereignty, he chose to take them and I wept for those little ones that I would never hold.  I was reminded of several truths in Scripture: Psalm 73:25-26 says, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Habakkuk 3:17-19 says, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.   God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."  

I have reason to hope, to be strengthened, to be renewed.  The Lord has not forgotten me.  He still loves me.  He has seen fit to lead me through a difficult time with his grace and mercy to sustain me and teach me what it means to fully rely and trust in Him and not lose heart.  "Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  There is something so much greater that awaits those of us who believe and hope in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It is an ongoing battle to fight against the fleshly thoughts and feelings that arise.  The battle for contentment is going to continue for me.  I am not through it yet.  It is through prayer, friends and the words of Christ that point me back to the saving grace of the cross and remind me that I have been forgiven, saved, and redeemed.  I will not lose hope because the Lord has promised to be faithful and true and in that I can praise him and keep my eyes fixed and focused on him-the author and perfecter of my faith.  

*Look for a post soon to celebrate the first year of Nathan's life!

God's Good Gifts-Part 5

“Gratitude is a lifestyle.  A hard-fought, grace-infused, biblical lifestyle.  And though there’s a sense in which anyone can be thankful-for God has extended His common grace to all-the true glory and the transforming power of gratitude are reserved for those who know and acknowledge the Giver of every good gift and who are recipients of His redeeming grace.” ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss

171.  Generous ladies who graciously invited us to their home for Thanksgiving dinner as we were not able to be with family this year. 

172. Watching Nathan's funny and confused looks as he decides whether or not to try a pumpkin pancake.

173. Generous and giving friends who bless us almost weekly by taking us out to lunch and paying for our meal.  

174.  A kind lady in our church who bought Nathan a lot of new clothes at exactly the time when he needed several in the exact size she bought.  The Lord always provides.  

175. The gift of staying at home with Nathan each day.

176. The anticipation of the advent season and the coming of Christ.

177. The opportunity to go see a Living Nativity to begin the advent season and the fun in watching Nathan clap his hands when Jesus rose from the grave.  

178.  The joy of watching Nathan play with his nativity set.  Our prayer is that he would fully understand the gift of Jesus Christ one day and the sacrifice he made on the cross for us.

179. A gentle dog who lets Nathan grab her mouth, paws, fur and lets him poke and prod her.  

180. A night out to enjoy a Christmas dinner with other local pastors and church members.

181. The opportunity to teach children about the birth of Jesus Christ.

182. The wisdom of doctors who know how to treat little ones when they are sick.

183.  The fun of planning Nathan's first birthday party, a true celebration of the Lord's kindness:)

184. Special crafts to remember Nathan's first Christmas-handprint and footprint salt dough ornaments, glass ornaments with a picture of Nathan inside and a baby's first Christmas ornament with a special picture.

185.  The Lord's grace in helping Michael finish another class towards his ThM in Biblical Counseling, one of the hardest ones yet.  

186.  A kind, servant-hearted sister who gave up a week of her winter vacation to come help me while Michael was in Louisville.

187. Holiday buy one get one free drink days at Starbucks-a yummy treat for me and my sister.

188. The fun of baking all kinds of delicious cookies.

189.  The blessing of giving to others and visiting with older members of our church.

190. The thoughtfulness of others in bringing us many yummy treats, including chocolate peanut butter balls, peanut butter fudge, cookies, and peppermint bark.

191.  Watching Nathan grow and develop into such a fun little toddler.

192.  Having Nathan start to hand me books to read him, while he sits on the floor and listens to me read and then telling him to go get another book and having him bring me one after another.

193.  The fun of watching Nathan open his advent books.  He started off by having us rip them open and then him looking through the book, to now wanting to rip them open by himself and eat the paper:)

194.  A date night with Michael at a nice restaurant and then a beautiful lights display.

195. A good friend who is willing to babysit for us.

196. Time to plan Christmas morning breakfast and dinner for my family.

197.  The anticipation of my family all being here to celebrate Christmas with us.

198.  New family traditions

199. A warm home to live in each day when the weather is freezing and windy.

200.  Delicious chili simmering in the crock pot.

201.  Cinnamon apple spice tea-a new favorite!

202. Christmas pictures

203. Time to fellowship with our church family by hosting a Christmas open house.

204. Getting Christmas cards in the mail.  It is so fun checking mail in December!

205. Christmas music to listen to.

206. Reminders of the joy, peace, hope and love that only come from Christ.

207. Strength for each new day.

208. Nights at home to hang out with Michael.

209. The gift of motherhood, something I am thankful for each day.

210. Experiencing Christmas through the eyes of a child-touching and trying to taste the lights, holding and pulling the ornaments on the tree, playing with presents, pulling off the bows and tags on the gifts, pulling the pieces off the felt advent calendar, and eating the wrapping paper.  

211. Celebrating Christmas with my sweet boy!